一顆心就在無預警的狀態破碎了, 硬生生的被輾碎,我以為自己是無痛不癢的,但下了捷運站 慢慢地走在六號出口, 一種奇怪的悲傷就像被扭乾的抹布,所有的淚水無法停的一直流下,神呀~你為什麼要這樣安排?我知道我不是完美的人,但為什麼要浪費我的時間?浪費在一個沒有價值的人身上?我難過的是因為這樣的安排,我卻失去了種種的一切,曾經有過兩小無猜但因為自己自以為是的選擇,而讓自己失去了最摯愛的人,現今卻留下破碎的心,有些事情,我除了哭泣我不再會去表達或是宣洩我的感傷,除了你,誰又能懂得孩子的悲傷呢?慢慢地步行在這漫漫人海中,我知道什麼都回不去了,很多事都變得無所謂了,也許就像某首歌說的一樣,人都會寂寞的,早點看清楚這個人,你就會知道自己過去都是傻瓜,沒有值得留念的,路還是繼續走….喉嚨中似乎是被塞住,因為哭泣,嘴巴無法克制的抖動,我覺得自己的情感似乎越來越被封閉,我知道我不能走回頭路,我也無法繼續用文字寫出來那種扎心的痛. 我能夠慢慢地體會到消失的渴望,即溶在這漫漫的人海中,就像孤島般,我知道跟誰在一起都不會被祝福的,畢竟我是有病在身的人,但我感恩的是,至少你曾經行神蹟讓我擁有媽媽, 若是哪天我愛的人離開了,我想我也沒有再留下的理由了吧

 

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I can’t deny my genuine feeling toward him, a remarkable guy with an intelligent minds and impressive proficiency in speaking myriad languages. It’s always soothes me when I hear his voices whispering on the phone. He seems to have a knack to manage how to articulate each words, paying peculiarly attentions to the rhythm of the syntax to create a curl that could do a little tricks on my ears. What can I say and how can I stop fidgeting when it’s about time to pick up the phone to respond to his answers. It’s not an easy job to force myself from giggling at his humorous remarks when my supervisors are around. I guess that is part of the luxury that I’ve ever had in this routinized works. I believe it’s a kind of poppy love.

when you say nothing at all


The picture bumps right into my head when I accidentally click this clip, and I wonder if you still remember the first-time album purchasing in the old days. It’s Notting Hill, The scene is so surreal to me that I thought it’s just occurred five minutes ago. I remember it’s an afternoon on Sunday, but I can’t really perceive it anymore because it gradually fades away from my mind. Can you help me out?

when can you leave me alone?

It’s been long-long days that I couldn’t remember when was the last time I saw you. Stood on the opposite side of the road, at some steps away from you, I couldn’t believe my eyes; I couldn’t believe what I saw because for a moment, I think that was my own illusion of seeing someone that looks just like you. Not until you passed me by so closely at the crossing road did I realized that it was really you. I stunned with a little delight but soon fell into a disappointed mood, how you could ignore me like I am a stranger. Yes, I know that I’ve removed you from my friend list at Facebook, but that is part of my own ritual of self-quest of moving on, I wish I could really take away your face from my mental mind and wish to come back as nothing has ever happened between you and me.

Farewell to you


You don’t know how long these memories linger at the corner of my mind,
You don’t know how much I had laughed happily at your humorous talks,
You don’t know how late I’ve realized that I am empty without a dream that excludes you. It’s all kept closely within me, but did you carry it in your backpack? Now, we are embarking on the divided road, where you seem to be confident to choose firmly like you used to be pursuing. But, I am totally lost, I am rambling aimlessly, now i am reaching to the place where you are absolutely absent.I am wondering if I am still good for you? Cause i’m starting feeling a distance separate us afar, thank you for let me know what hurting feel like, thank you for giving me the pain and loneliness, thank you for your jacket, thank you for your silent smile at last.

掩埋在一堆無法釐清的雜念中,我覺得我也很痛苦,感覺也想逃離這一切,也許我太過依賴,太過懶散。
所以,即便在我極需要幫助的那一刻,我總是會被拒絕,我真的很想找出口,也許我真的需要獨立一些。
也許不要再有期待,也許這些負面的思緒就不會再侵入我的腦袋。有時候,我真的很想消失,真的很想逃離這一切的種種,有意念卻無聲音,我可以做的事就是走得遠遠的~

你還會想我嗎?

似乎有點難為情,聽到你話家常,細談家族之事,有一種開心和難過雜沓而來。開心的是你願意分享這些事情,難過的是有種無法抽離的惆悵在心中冉冉而升,你好像面臨了現實的局,你所擔心的事正巧也是我所擔心的,
不是為了我自己的感覺,但深怕再次傷害彼此而保持距離。但只要想想你如果最終選了她人,我是否會徹夜哭泣?
只為了我傻傻不敢說出一聲我其實喜歡你。我相信你可以給予的是豐富的生命,但我無法達到女強人的頂點,來給予你經濟上的支援。我了解在某些時刻,我只想保護這樣的單戀,不哭也不鬧,就像一顆安靜的樹,為你遮蔭,陪伴你。我不是因為想要尊嚴而從不對你表現溫柔,只因在某些時刻,我真的很脆弱也很徬徨。擔心的是我自作多情,也害怕我的包容力是容不下你再次言語上的浮誇。你喜歡誰,我無法去做判斷和干涉,但我知道,在某些時刻我等著,等著,心也會累,安全感也許某一天就會消失,你會失去一切,一個我想守護你的愛就這樣被撕裂。